Have you ever had a dream to be somebody? If you’re like anybody in the world, you’ve had a dream to do something with your life. You might have dreamed to be a cook, a business owner, an artist, maybe even an actor or actress. You then decided to learn all you could about the career.
You read books, you watched YouTube videos, you bought the necessary supplies to practice your craft. Maybe you even went to college to dedicate your early twenties to intensely study your passion. You worked your butt off for four years. You poured your everything to get yourself a degree and was excited to apply for that first job. That stepping stone that would launch your career. Launch your dream, your passion, your very self even.
You fire off those resumes and you wait to be picked by your dream company for your dream job. Then you wait, and you wait...and wait some more. Still waiting...and waiting. Sigh….more waiting to the point where it feels like all you are doing is just waiting. Waiting for that one phone call, waiting for that one email, waiting for that one opportunity, that one chance, where you can show the world what you’re capable of.
But yet, that phone doesn’t ring, your inbox is still empty no matter how many times you refresh it, and the door of opportunity you’re looking at is still closed and is looking farther and farther away. Out of reach and locked from the outside. Life, however, is knocking from the door behind you and guess what? You’re an adult and you need to pay some bills and you can’t sit on your butt all day waiting for someone to pick you. You need to make a living.
Maybe you have to get a part-time job that you don’t really want or you’re scrounging around your savings in your emergency emergency funds to keep the lights on in the house and the light of your dream still alive, even if it’s only flickering. Maybe at this point you get a little discouraged, maybe even a lot discouraged.
You wonder why you spent so much time, energy, and money into learning about your passions if you can’t apply them. Reality starts to hit, and you realize what you want to do is hard. It’s competitive and even with that degree or portfolio its still not quite enough. You're wondering how much more can I give? Is my dream even worth it anymore? Do I or have I ever had what it takes to pursue my dream in the first place?
If you’re like me, you’ve probably been in this situation and felt these same feelings. You’ve tried to attain your dream job, but it's just not getting off the ground, at least not as soon as you’d like it to. Not too long ago, I graduated from William Peace University. I majored in Simulation and Game Design, but my real passion and interest was in game animation. With the major still being relatively new for my school, there wasn’t a concentration in animation, so I tried to incorporate it as much as I could in my projects.
I worked hard in college to learn what I needed to know in order to get a job in my field of choice. I even graduated a semester early so I could dive into my career sooner rather than later. I graduated last December and I was sending out applications to different game studios in the area in October/November of that year. I graduated, got my piece of paper in the mail a few weeks later...but no jobs.
I applied to several different companies in the area that had jobs even somewhat remotely related to what I wanted to do. Most of which never got back to me.The only response I got was a rejection email. Honestly, out of all the time I put into submitting applications to these different companies, I’m still glad that I got a response from anyone, even if it was a rejection.
I picked my head up and continued applying for jobs and working on my portfolio thinking “It’s only a matter of time until I get that yes.” Over the past few months I began to learn how competitive the game industry was. Game studios don’t pay much attention to your resume as they do to your portfolio and your portfolio has to be amazing to even be considered for the job. This goes double for people like me who want to go into the animation/game industry.
Portfolio is everything and companies are looking for the best around. You can imagine I would be a little frustrated at this. I started to ask myself questions like “Why didn’t my school prepare me more? What are these companies actually looking for? Do I even have what it takes to make it in this industry?”
When you put a lot of time and energy into something and it's not bearing fruit, it's understandable to feel exasperated. It can even hurt your confidence and self-esteem, especially if you’re an artist. As an artist, you’re not just putting your work out there, you’re putting yourself out there and when you rejected by “X” number of people, it can be crushing at times. It's like dying in Dark Souls again and again feeling you're being punished and not getting anywhere.
When you are just waiting around for a job to come your way you feel like you’re not really living your life. I waited nearly two months after I graduated to land a job (which was a last resort by the way) and those months were so discouraging. My friends all had jobs already and I saw people who graduated from my school working at actual game companies like Epic or Ubisoft and I was like “when I’m gonna get there?”
I felt like I was doing all that I could do to land a job. I was updating my resume, my portfolio, my LinkedIn page. I was doing all I thought I could to give myself that extra edge and yet, I couldn’t get anything. After I had made 10 different resumes and sent an application out to every game studio or creative content company I could find, I went to my church as one final attempt to get some kind of employment (that job that I mentioned before).
I interned at the Point Church for nearly 2 years while I was in college. During that time, I learned different skills such as graphic design, videography, and motion graphics. I took some time off to focus on graduating and didn’t have any plans to come back. So, I told myself, “Ok this isn’t exactly what I want to do and the pay is probably not going to be great, but I can at least try to see if there’s something here” I called up my old supervisor, we met for lunch and told him I was interested in coming on again in a part time position. A few weeks later, I started as a Media Project Contractor for the Point Church.
I was grateful that I was able to do something that was at least related to my ideal career field and I grew a lot during my time there. I’ve worked at the Point Church for nearly 4 months. I was confident that they would bring me on in a more permanent position because I’ve been doing great work in the media department. Plus, I could get some money flowing to pay the bills and invest in my animation work such as, buying new books and drawing materials and upgrading my PC.
However, despite my diligence and hard work they didn’t have enough money to keep me on. I was ok with this. I kind of half-expected this anyway, but now I’m back in the position of applying and waiting. I’m currently trying to build up my rep as a freelancer and I’ve been getting a few jobs here and there. However, there is still more waiting to get the job that I really want.
That’s the worst part. You’re just waiting for someone to give you the time a day and hopefully hire you for a gig or, better yet, a full time job with benefits. You put yourself out there the best you can, but it seems like companies are always looking for something else you don’t have. Unfortunately, while you’re waiting for the next opportunity to come knocking, life doesn’t wait on you to have all your apples in order. Bills still need to be paid, you have to make some sort of living, and you can’t bear another day sending out unread applications and waiting for somebody to give you a call, so what do you do?
You continue to ask yourself questions because what else are you gonna do. You ask yourself, “Am I going to have to settle for a job that brings me no joy so I can just get some money flowing? Do I need to go back to school so I can get the experience and preparation I should have gotten the first time around?” The dreadful question you ultimately will ask yourself is, “Should I just let this stupid dream of mine go and come back to reality?”
It’s when you get to this point that you have to decide whether or not to give up or keep pushing, even though you don’t know what the future has in store for you. Some people might opt in to giving up and going another route and that’s not necessarily bad. In life, your dreams and passions are probably going to change or shift into new directions. Maybe you dreamed about being an artist, but you took a shot at it, didn't think it was for you and decided to try something else. This is ok because you’re never going to have just one thing to strive for in life. If you’re like me, you want to do a bunch of different things like draw, play music or learn another language and that’s great because our hobbies and passions are what makes us unique. There’s nothing wrong for switching things up.
However, there’s a difference in having multiple passions or trading one passion for another and just giving up on your passion entirely. Yea I’m struggling to get to where I want to go in my career and I’m putting a lot of effort in but there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of return on investment right now. Maybe the easier option is to let my dream of being a game animator go and pick up a steady paying job elsewhere. Maybe you feel the same way where you are right now as well.
However, despite all the uncertainty, despite all the rejection, despite the blows on the old self-confidence, I still don’t feel like I should give up. I think animation is pretty cool and dang it I want to dedicate my life to learning all about it. I want to create some cool stories through my animations and I want people to be impacted by them. If you really care about something, I think you should go all in on it, despite the circumstances.
Imagine if your spouse left you because things got too hard or your friends peaced out because you were a little depressed that day and you bummed them out. You would feel left behind, abandoned. At least when it comes down to a crappy spouse or friend those are more out of your control, but when it comes to your dreams, goals, and aspirations, those are all up to you. If you give up on your dream job because it’s getting too hard then you’re just abandoning them and leaving them behind. In reality, you are really giving up on yourself.
If you are struggling with some of these thoughts and feelings right now I would encourage you to keep going and pursuing your dream whatever that may be. I know I’m going to. I don’t know what things are going to look like in the next couple months, but I want to stay true to myself and my dreams and you should too. Be reassured that you are not the only one going through this. Many people, myself included, struggle with this at some point in their life. Just know that you and me are in the midst of a process and patience, diligence, and a lot up pep talks in the mirror are going to help you find the strength to get to where you want to go.
Also, reach out to friends, family, maybe even your local church for encouragement, comfort, and support because I know those have helped me a lot when I’ve felt down. One final piece of advice I would give is to always be positive and optimistic about the future. Yea you might not know when you’ll finally make it, but at the end of the day it’s all a journey, so it helps if you can just learn to enjoy the ride even if its slow, bumpy, and takes a few detours along the way.
I haven’t gotten to where I want to be in my life yet. It might take months or years before I start seeing some headway in my career path. It’s so tempting to just let it all go and find something else that’s easier to get into. However, I know I would just be doing a disservice to myself and great accomplishment and fulfillment doesn’t come from the easy route. The bible says life comes from the narrow less traveled path and destruction comes from the wide common path. So, I’m going to keep trying, keep my chin up, keep optimistic about the future and continue going down the narrow path because my dreams deserve that much and so do yours.
Are you going through something similar? Want to give some advice and encouragement to others? Comment below and let’s keep the conversation going!
Dean Willms
~Gamer. Designer. Friend.
